March 31, 2009
We’re recording Podcast No.4 tomorrow. April the first. April Fools’ Day. And Trev’s birthday. And being a typical April Fool baby, Trev still insists on using the Julian Calendar rather than that lovely Gregorian one we are all used to. Doh!
It’s a bit last minute, but please feel free to leave any requests, questions, feedback, insults, etc.
Here’s a picture of Trev on his last birthday, about 40 years ago.
March 22, 2009
You can listen to/ download it here… trev-and-simon-episode-3
Download notes: For PC users, right-click the link above, then select ‘Save Link As’ and download to the selected location on your computer. For Mac users, hold down Ctrl and click the link, then select ‘Save Link As’ and download to the selected location on your computer.
That’s the serious stuff out of the way. So, yes, here’s No.3, recorded (for all you time fans) between approximately 2.30pm and 3.30pm on the 19th March 2009. In Andrea’s flat. Which is in Peckham or Dulwich, depending on whether you want to be poncey or not. Peckwich.
Andrea sent it to me to post up here, but without her usual list. She did one but it got lost in cyberspace. And so she asked me to do it because… well, I guess she just can’t even begin to bear to listen to the whole thing again. Podcasts should be like Mission:Impossible missives. They should detonate five seconds after being heard. And that should be that. Until the next one. So, I’m in charge of the list, and it turns out to be a long one. Here’s what you can listen to in Podcast No.3:
- Ideal Podcast length. 4 or 46 minutes.
- Andrea calls us boys… as does Barrymore.
- Geoff Boyes.
- The Hampshire Hoffman.
- Trev loves Mike and the Mechanics.
- Andrea loves Paul Carrack.
- Andrea is Nana in Nana Nia.
- The French Green Green Grass of Home.
- The Snake.
- Trev sings The Snake.
- The Snake deconstructed.
- Funny place names.
- Andrea loves Phil Collins.
- Whigfield- Pop Outsider.
- Rasputin record pluggers.
- Whigfield does duvets.
- Don’t do… versus Do do.
- Muck Off.
- Phillip Schofield Radio 1 Roadshow.
- Who do we look like?
- Looniversity Challenge- Good choice!
- Nicknames explained.
- Simon faces up to US military might in Area 51.
- Simon attempts an American accent.
- Arthur Clayton’s four piece cue.
- Neil Morrisey and Sean Penn.
- Who’s who and how double acts stand.
- Andrea’s special friend.
- Jimmy’s present.
- Girl Scouts in the US.
- Trev lists Celebrity meat products.
- An offer Simon can refuse.
- orgasmic births.
- Coconut monkey cake revenge.
- Monkey prison.
- General animal revenge.
- Demons of the Mind.
- Robert Hardy’s toe.
- Tweed update.
- What the old wear.
- What Sparks wear.
- Brown Willy.
- Snippet of The Snake.
Bet you wish Andrea had done the list now.
March 17, 2009
We’re doing our podcast No.3 on Thursday. To listen to 1 and 2 just click on the podcast link on the right and you should eventually get to them. Or search them out on iTunes. Regular readers of our blog will have noticed that recently we have been looking backwards; at events both real and possibly not. What does it matter? Real or imagined they all took place in the past. If you want us to talk about anything real or not please let us know. We’ll try to oblige, though we might be quite rude about you. One friend thought I was out of order last time and was a little dismissive of some of the questions sent in. Well, sorry, but not really.
Here’s something that did happen. Years ago we went touring around the World with Phillip Schofield’s Radio 1 Roadshow. Phillip invited us along to mess around, warm up the crowd, and then, during the show, give out fancy facts about the places we visited. We made those up. We drove around the world in Phillip’s open top BMW, hence the windswept hair look and frozen faces. We also made all the team swim naked in the sea at Great Yarmouth at midnight, and someone ran off with our clothes. That is true. The world bit is maybe false. if you look closely at this picture, you can see Phillip’s head. That’s all he had in those days; a head and no body. He used the body of Gordon the Gopher to get around, though that gave him trouble reaching the pedals. And as you can see he had a full head of dark brown hair. These days he dyes it grey. At least he has hair. Mine has long gone, but, not wanting to appear bald, I have developed a habit of putting an old birds nest on my head. If you follow Phillip on Twitter you’ll know he goes by the name of Schofe. We used to call him Schoffers. or Schonesbury.
March 17, 2009
Here’s Trev’s artwork for Muck Off, a Blimey that’s Good! product designed to keep pests out of your garden. I guess this was made for our tour. I can’t begin to believe we were allowed to get away with it on Saturday morning TV.
March 17, 2009
Let’s face it. We’ve all made mistakes. Trev and Simon’s Thai Pop Spectacular was a big mistake. Our Saturday morning run had come to an end. The much hoped for Channel 4 series never happened, so we ran away to Thailand in the hope of becoming pop stars. Things got a little out of control and somehow this was the result. It’s all behind us now and we’re able to laugh about it. At the time it wasn’t so funny. The dieting and the leg stretching was sheer hell. The album was a flop and we quickly returned to the UK with our bruised egos.
March 16, 2009
Our agent, Debi Allen, is on the move. Part of this means she’s been sifting through all the Trev and Simon junk she has acquired over the years and if it is in a redundant format, she sends it on to us to do whatever with. You may think that all Trev and Simon products are pretty much redundant anyway, but I’m speaking specifically of things like videos and records; things superceded by DVD’s and hell, not even compact discs (which we don’t do), but MP3’s.
I’ve just received a big parcel of videos of Hard Spell Abbey, a kids spelling game show in which I played Brother Brendan, the runner of the abbey where spelling was hard. Here I am in full-on monk action, dinging a bell.
Anyway, to the point. In amongst all the videos was some artwork from another of Trev’s solo projects. Why it was sent to me and not him, I don’t know. I guess just an administrative error. He’s never told me about this one and as far as I know the album was never commercially released. Trev is a big fan of Paul Weller and the Jam and has devoted a fair amount of his life to emulating his hero (for example, he only ever uses Wella hair products, and guess what he has on his toast? That’s right- marmalade, Bruce Foxton’s favourite preserve.) Maybe Jam Sandwich wasn’t released because he feared Paul Weller might find out. After all, what was he thinking? A Barm in Wardour Street? He’d be so lucky. Maybe a panini or a ciabatta, but last time I looked London’s street of media fools was hardly awash with Greggs .
March 14, 2009
He keeps it very quiet. He probably posted that piece about my old Country and Western album to divert attention from himself. He’s very modest like that. But yes, Simon Hickson is a comedian, script writer, blogger, pool wizard and a talented singer/song writer. I’m sure he won’t mind me giving you a sneaky exclusive glimpse at the cover of his latest album – Simon Hickson, The Other Man in Black.
It’s an amazing album in which Simon brings all his musical influences together. Johnny Cash is there of course, as is the old Manchester Misery Morrissey but if you think that’s an unsual combination then listen out for some of the other stuff he’s pinched…er..I mean been influenced by…Sparks, ELO, Rick Wakeman and Alice Cooper (another Man in Black) to name but a few. This is a rich blend of some of the finest music that exists inside Simon Hickson’s head. Here’s your chance to stuff it inside your own head. Buy it. Play it. Try and bend it. It won’t break. This album is solid gold. I give it five stars even though the most I could give it in my imaginary music magazine review is four stars – that’s how good it is. No one’s gonna throw cheese at this man. This album is cheese proof. If you want to throw cheese at someone then go throw it at Gary Barlow. He loves cheese. Simon Hickson doesn’t…well unless it’s Black Cheese.
Simon Hickson – The Other Man in Black * * * * *
March 12, 2009
A few years back Trev tried to make it in the music business. He did his best to reinvent himself as some kind of Merle Haggard/ Waylon Jennings type outlaw. He adopted the Bakersfield sound and wrote a number of songs in the style of Buck Owens, Dwight Yoakam, Merle and Waylon. Unfortunately there’s not much call for that kind of music in Kent. He got a few gigs here and there, mainly at Big Truck shows in East Anglia. However, when the crowd realised he was only going to sings about trains, and not trucks, they’d quite often turn nasty, throwing cheese at him and the odd pennant. I suggested that Trev should consider diversifying; just a bit, maybe singing about transport in general. But you need to be careful with Trev. My suggestion was met with a cold stare, and not long after that he penned the so far un-recorded track (no pun intended) “Simon’s scared of Trains”
He made one album; Trev Neal Sings the Songs of the Railroad. He sold a few copies through specialist train/record shops. But really, just a few. About three. He doesn’t like to talk about it much these days. I just hope he doesn’t mind me writing about it and putting up the cover art.
March 12, 2009
Recent readers may worry that the two of us are a little leather obsessed. We don’t wear leather all the time. Sometimes we try and be much more exotic. Happy Christmas!
March 12, 2009
Do you remember Whigfield? I do. Also known as Sannie Charlotte Carlson, Whigfield had a huge hit in the 90’s with Saturday Night. What a great opening line; Dee Dee Na Na Na!
Now of course she came and performed the song on Live and Kicking! She was Number One in the charts, and also she would have had no choice. In the 90’s pop singers were treated like performing monkeys by their sinister svengali masters, the record pluggers. But sometimes they found their own way of rebelling. Whigfield rebelled on two fronts. Firstly, she refused to do the Saturday Night dance. This involved (and I quote from Wikipedia here) “the unusual feature of looping a pattern of five bar-long steps over an ordinary four-bar cycle of music.” I mean, I thought it was that, but, you know, it’s best to get these things right. And she wouldn’t do it. I think she was asked to do the dance on the show. She said, “I don’t do it.”
Later, we stood chatting to Whigfield, and this is where her second act of rebellion took place. Off camera, there was me, Trev, Emma Forbes and Whigfield. Emma asked Whigfield what it felt like to be Number One. And Whigfield said; “It feels like shit.”
Dee Dee Na Na Na!