With great thanks to Joff Thompson for putting this up on YouTube.
Here’s Pocast No.10, or, if you prefer, Podcast No.9 part two. We recorded Podcast No.9 a few weeks back sitting on a balcony at the Royal Festival Hall. When we’d done, we moved inside, had a sandwich, and then did another. We don’t get to meet up too much so’s we thought it a good idea (that’s one of the best sentences I’ve ever written).
Just click on the link above to listen to it. Or to download the podcast: On a PC, right-click on the link, then select ‘Save Link As’ and download it to the selected location on your computer. On a Mac, hold down Ctrl and click the link, then select ‘Save Link As’ and download it to the selected location
And here’s what’s on it:
- Dance hall toasters.
- Duralit V Duraglit.
- Trev gets saucy.
- Simon gets married.
- Sexy rabbits.
- Squirrels (maybe sexy).
- Elevator Gods.
- Tears of a clown.
- Yorkshire accents.
- Trev loves beacons.
- Trev and Simon sing.
- Carry your Little Belisha Beacon/*****.
- Grandad pierrots.
- The Eggrobats.
- Dan and the Doves.
- The Rogers Brothers.
- The Cox Twins.
- Hair up/Hair down.
- trev and DIY.
- James Ward and Blu-Tack.
- the “Carrot” Farm.
- Trev meets a tricologist.
- Dead Man’s Shoes.
- Looking for an ending.
We hope you enjoy it. And we hope to do another next Wednesday, most likely our last before Christmas. If you need any festive questions answering, you know you can rely on us.
Two of our lesser known characters from the days of Going Live! would most likely be The Rogers Brothers. Randolf and Rudy Rogers, an old musical hall act, sons of the popular seaside variety act, Bucket and Spade. Bucket and Spade, both dead, survived only as a framed photograph on top of Randolf’s piano. Rudy, played by me, was prone to awful bouts of depression over the death of his parents. It would descend upon him as a black cloud and the boys would declare “Mr Gloom is in the room”, or “Mr Glum has come” or “Mr Misery is in the vicinity”. Trev, as Randolf, would attempt to cheer his brother up with a jaunty “Hey ho! Pop pop!” As in sketches so in life.
Quite why this was allowed to be on a Saturday morning childrens show is bewildering to me. Obviously we must have sat around and thought, what are the kids into these days? And the answers that came back were hippies, barbers and old-time music hall acts singing vaguely rude songs and weeping openly over the death of their parents. Hey ho! Pop pop!
One of our songs was an old music hall ditty called Carry Your Little Belisha Beacon Everywhere You Go. We’ve sung ths song throughout our career in a variety of guises; the Eggrobats- bald men in nappies, The Rogers Brothers, and a scout leader and his boyscout friend.
Here we are accompanied by The Doves from Dan and the Doves. The Doves being Sophie (later to be Ace in Dr. Who), kath, and Doon, (later to be big comedy cheese in The Day Today, Smack the Pony and the recent Taking the Flak). Poor Doon is obscured by the big glowing end of Trev’s beacon.
If you’d like to know the lyrics to this rude song you can find them here. I’ve tried to find out who it’s by but everytime I do a search I come back to me. I promise you, we did pinch it.
Nothing’s new and nothing’s original. We based the Rogers Brothers on The Cox Twins. However weird our creations were, the real deal were even weirder.
You can find out more about Frank and Fred here. But sadly not much. They married twins, Estelle and Pauline Miles, and then they all lived together in one house. The first time I saw them I was astonished. I can’t remember what they did, I just remember thinking they were nuts. In the nicest possible sense. They were funny and weird, but what did they do? They appear briefly in Funny Bones, Peter Chelsom’s film starring Lee Evans and Jerry Lewis and set in Blackpool. Truly, what more could you want from a film. The only clip I could find isn’t a performance, but you might like it anyway. Here they are being interviewed on TVam. With their twin wives.
Even less survives of the Rogers Brothers. They’re on our live video, the Blimey That’s Good Tour, but who has videos? Even I don’t have it. I used to hate watching it. The day before the show was recorded I had some jabs for a forthcoming holiday in The Gambia. I was given the wrong dose for, I think, Typhoid. Five times too much! Throughout the show I look like I am about to die. Hey ho! Pop pop!
But I did find something. One of the most bizarre clips I’ve seen. It’s us as the Rogers Brothers taking part in a Comic Relief special; singing along with a host of celebrities to Queen’s Bohemian Rhapsody. Everything’s here. It ranges from the apalling, Nicholas Witchell miming keyboards; to the moving, Caron Keating gooning around with her mum. You’ll see other faces that might lead to Mr Gloom coming into the room. And I don’t mean Noel Edmonds. And there’s a few degenerates in there too. I’ll let you figure out who they are.
And remember, nothing really matters. Hey ho! Pop pop!
Here’s Podcast No. 7. Andrea, our producer, says it’s “very funny and has a lovely vibe”. And she knows. And sorry once more but there has to be a warning! This Podcast contains bad language. Actually really quite bad bad language! Sorry. You have been warned. I blame David Cameron.
Just click on the link above to listen to it. Or to download the podcast: On a PC, right-click on the link, then select ‘Save Link As’ and download it to the selected location on your computer. On a Mac, hold down Ctrl and click the link, then select ‘Save Link As’ and download it to the selected location.
And what’s in it? Here’s the list-
- 60s pop star Joe Brown
- Simon’s special diet
- Trev’s holiday
- Hats and swimming pants
- Star-spotting on Trev’s holiday
- (Queuing for) mints
- Being poisoned
- Would Trev or Simon pee on the other? Find out!
- Simon’s film review: The Taking Of Pelham 123
- Introducing Pickles the cat
- Simon’s second film review: Antichrist
- Unpleasant songs
- Sam Brown
- Meeting Syd Little
- David Cameron
- Questions from listeners
- Andrea fumigates Simon
- The Trev And Simon Festival
- Jokes from Trev And Simon’s Stupid Book
- How to play Wilderness
- More questions from listeners
- Andrea chokes
- A game of Wilderness
- More jokes
There you go. And look! Here’s our book:
And guess what? It is available! On Amazon. And for only 1p! That’s a bargain. Only 4 left. Get it now for one penny, here.
Oh, and I apologise to all those listeners who are traumatised by Trev and Andrea’s singing of the 23rd best selling single of 1982.
Oh, and one more thing. Here’s what Trev drew during the podcast.
Here’s some art by Sophy, aged 11, now, one would hope, in her mid twenties. Well done Sophy. Your art survives.
We’re doing a podcats tonight and we have loads of questions from you all. Thank you. We’ll get through as many as we can, and I will be rude to you all. Maybe. That’s me, Simon. Not Trev. He’s nice. But he could turn. he’s just back from holiday- two weeks in the sun- and now it’s just rain rain rain. Who knows what that will do to him.
Please keep on leaving comments, questions, and if we don’t get round to them this time, maybe next time.
Hello folks. We haven’t forgotten you and we hope you haven’t forgotten us. Yes, it’s been just over a month since our last podcast and we’re well aware we are due another one. We’re getting podcast withdrawal symptoms. I was found wandering the streets the other day, muttering to myself about monkey coconut abuse. Trev’s suffering from tweed withdrawal so badly he’s taken to wearing tweed pyjamas.
We will do another. Honest. Promise. It’s just that Andrea, our lovely producer and instigator and mentor blah blah blah has only gone and got herself a proper job, and launched an album called Photograph, and just in general got on with her life rather than wasting it with a couple of daft-talking chancers.
We plan to kidnap her. We will kidnap her, keep her locked up for months on end until she develops Stockholm Syndrome. The we will all move to Stockholm and do a podcast from there. At least that’s the plan (that I’ve just made up in the last few seconds of typing).
Failing that we’ll wait until we’ve all got a free evening.
You can listen to/ download it here
download notes: For PC users, right-click the link above, then select ‘Save Link As’ and download to the selected location on your computer. For Mac users, hold down Ctrl and click the link, then select ‘Save Link As’ and download to the selected location on your computer.
So here’s No.4, recorded last Wednesday on Trev’s Birthday. April Fools’ Day. Andrea, our producer (up in Sheffield at the moment for tonight’s launch of her new album, Photograph), has compiled the list for No.4 and I’m excited by it. See, I’ve been away in Great Yarmouth playing pool at the EPA Interleague Finals- full details available soon on my blog- so I’m putting up the pod without having listened to it. And neither of us, at our age, can be expected to remember what we talked about, so for both me and Trev we are now like you- just a person listening to two old blokes talk a load of old rubbish.
Here’s the list. I hope you enjoy the listening part.
- April Fool’s jokes
- The Gregorian Calendar
- Andrea takes an important phone call
- An appearance by Simon’s cat Tess
- It’s Trevor’s birthday! But who does he share it with?
- Trev and Simon get proper work
- Dry Life and Blimey That’s Good!
- Other Trev and Simon characters
- Cobblers To The Stars
- You say chiropodist, I say chiropodist
- Shampoo and hairdryers
- Hairy Simon, beard glue and pubic wigs
- The Two Chemists sketch
- Andrea fails to return
- Anita Harris
- Trevor’s birthday card from Simon
- Andrea returns
- The Bloody Benders and other absurd old books
- Birthday cake!
- Manatees, walruses and Lord Horny Man
- The Quex Museum
- Andrea is banished
- The Manchester Museum/Museum of Manchester
- Trev And Simon on Twitter
- Andrea’s CD goes on sale in Japan
- Trevor’s birthday present from Simon
- Nazis in space! Again!
- Gay mods and Paul Weller
- Trevor’s birthday card and present from Andrea
- Ant and Dec
- Tiny pigs
- Trevor’s rude awakening
- Andrea does a Marilyn Monroe impression
- Simon’s mouse problems
- Listeners’ questions/feedback/insults
- Simon is bullied by a podcast fan
- Transmission Impossible and Trev And Simon’s ‘retirement’
- Circus Of Evil
- Spontaneous trips
- Birthdays/birth dates
- Maisie’s daft questions
- Trev and Simon’s free rides
- Trevor and Keren from Bananarama
- Charlie Sheen
- Free boots and Cher
- How to end the podcast
- Trevor’s birthday books
- Could this be the last Trev And Simon podcast?
- What does Simon’s middle initial stand for?
Jeepers! That’s 51 things. Sorry it’s so long. Over an hour this time. Andrea has told us off and said from now on it must be an hour maximum. But, as you will become aware, Andrea kept nipping out making phone calls, leaving us to our own devices. So, it’s her fault. She’s to blame. And since blame is only for God and small children, I’ll let you decide which one I am.
Oh, here’s my birthday card to Trev and Andrea’s cake for him.
You can listen to/ download it here… trev-and-simon-episode-3
Download notes: For PC users, right-click the link above, then select ‘Save Link As’ and download to the selected location on your computer. For Mac users, hold down Ctrl and click the link, then select ‘Save Link As’ and download to the selected location on your computer.
That’s the serious stuff out of the way. So, yes, here’s No.3, recorded (for all you time fans) between approximately 2.30pm and 3.30pm on the 19th March 2009. In Andrea’s flat. Which is in Peckham or Dulwich, depending on whether you want to be poncey or not. Peckwich.
Andrea sent it to me to post up here, but without her usual list. She did one but it got lost in cyberspace. And so she asked me to do it because… well, I guess she just can’t even begin to bear to listen to the whole thing again. Podcasts should be like Mission:Impossible missives. They should detonate five seconds after being heard. And that should be that. Until the next one. So, I’m in charge of the list, and it turns out to be a long one. Here’s what you can listen to in Podcast No.3:
- Ideal Podcast length. 4 or 46 minutes.
- Andrea calls us boys… as does Barrymore.
- Geoff Boyes.
- The Hampshire Hoffman.
- Trev loves Mike and the Mechanics.
- Andrea loves Paul Carrack.
- Andrea is Nana in Nana Nia.
- The French Green Green Grass of Home.
- The Snake.
- Trev sings The Snake.
- The Snake deconstructed.
- Funny place names.
- Andrea loves Phil Collins.
- Whigfield- Pop Outsider.
- Rasputin record pluggers.
- Whigfield does duvets.
- Don’t do… versus Do do.
- Muck Off.
- Phillip Schofield Radio 1 Roadshow.
- Who do we look like?
- Looniversity Challenge- Good choice!
- Nicknames explained.
- Simon faces up to US military might in Area 51.
- Simon attempts an American accent.
- Arthur Clayton’s four piece cue.
- Neil Morrisey and Sean Penn.
- Who’s who and how double acts stand.
- Andrea’s special friend.
- Jimmy’s present.
- Girl Scouts in the US.
- Trev lists Celebrity meat products.
- An offer Simon can refuse.
- orgasmic births.
- Coconut monkey cake revenge.
- Monkey prison.
- General animal revenge.
- Demons of the Mind.
- Robert Hardy’s toe.
- Tweed update.
- What the old wear.
- What Sparks wear.
- Brown Willy.
- Snippet of The Snake.
Bet you wish Andrea had done the list now.
Here’s Trev’s artwork for Muck Off, a Blimey that’s Good! product designed to keep pests out of your garden. I guess this was made for our tour. I can’t begin to believe we were allowed to get away with it on Saturday morning TV.