Here’s Pocast No.10, or, if you prefer, Podcast No.9 part two. We recorded Podcast No.9 a few weeks back sitting on a balcony at the Royal Festival Hall. When we’d done, we moved inside, had a sandwich, and then did another. We don’t get to meet up too much so’s we thought it a good idea (that’s one of the best sentences I’ve ever written).
Just click on the link above to listen to it. Or to download the podcast: On a PC, right-click on the link, then select ‘Save Link As’ and download it to the selected location on your computer. On a Mac, hold down Ctrl and click the link, then select ‘Save Link As’ and download it to the selectedlocation
We hope you enjoy it. And we hope to do another next Wednesday, most likely our last before Christmas. If you need any festive questions answering, you know you can rely on us.
Two of our lesser known characters from the days of Going Live! would most likely be The Rogers Brothers. Randolf and Rudy Rogers, an old musical hall act, sons of the popular seaside variety act, Bucket and Spade. Bucket and Spade, both dead, survived only as a framed photograph on top of Randolf’s piano. Rudy, played by me, was prone to awful bouts of depression over the death of his parents. It would descend upon him as a black cloud and the boys would declare “Mr Gloom is in the room”, or “Mr Glum has come” or “Mr Misery is in the vicinity”. Trev, as Randolf, would attempt to cheer his brother up with a jaunty “Hey ho! Pop pop!” As in sketches so in life.
Quite why this was allowed to be on a Saturday morning childrens show is bewildering to me. Obviously we must have sat around and thought, what are the kids into these days? And the answers that came back were hippies, barbers and old-time music hall acts singing vaguely rude songs and weeping openly over the death of their parents. Hey ho! Pop pop!
One of our songs was an old music hall ditty called Carry Your Little Belisha Beacon Everywhere You Go. We’ve sung ths song throughout our career in a variety of guises; the Eggrobats- bald men in nappies, The Rogers Brothers, and a scout leader and his boyscout friend.
The Eggrobats- Simon Hickson, Phil Dennison and Trev Neal. Accompanied by Sophie Aldred, Kath Jones and Doon Mackichan.
Here we are accompanied by The Doves from Dan and the Doves. The Doves being Sophie (later to be Ace in Dr. Who), kath, and Doon, (later to be big comedy cheese in The Day Today, Smack the Pony and the recent Taking the Flak). Poor Doon is obscured by the big glowing end of Trev’s beacon.
If you’d like to know the lyrics to this rude song you can find them here. I’ve tried to find out who it’s by but everytime I do a search I come back to me. I promise you, we did pinch it.
Nothing’s new and nothing’s original. We based the Rogers Brothers on The Cox Twins. However weird our creations were, the real deal were even weirder.
The Cox Twins
You can find out more about Frank and Fred here. But sadly not much. They married twins, Estelle and Pauline Miles, and then they all lived together in one house. The first time I saw them I was astonished. I can’t remember what they did, I just remember thinking they were nuts. In the nicest possible sense. They were funny and weird, but what did they do? They appear briefly in Funny Bones, Peter Chelsom’s film starring Lee Evans and Jerry Lewis and set in Blackpool. Truly, what more could you want from a film. The only clip I could find isn’t a performance, but you might like it anyway. Here they are being interviewed on TVam. With their twin wives.
Even less survives of the Rogers Brothers. They’re on our live video, the Blimey That’s Good Tour, but who has videos? Even I don’t have it. I used to hate watching it. The day before the show was recorded I had some jabs for a forthcoming holiday in The Gambia. I was given the wrong dose for, I think, Typhoid. Five times too much! Throughout the show I look like I am about to die. Hey ho! Pop pop!
But I did find something. One of the most bizarre clips I’ve seen. It’s us as the Rogers Brothers taking part in a Comic Relief special; singing along with a host of celebrities to Queen’s Bohemian Rhapsody. Everything’s here. It ranges from the apalling, Nicholas Witchell miming keyboards; to the moving, Caron Keating gooning around with her mum. You’ll see other faces that might lead to Mr Gloom coming into the room. And I don’t mean Noel Edmonds. And there’s a few degenerates in there too. I’ll let you figure out who they are.
And remember, nothing really matters. Hey ho! Pop pop!
Here’s Podcast No. 7. Andrea, our producer, says it’s “very funny and has a lovely vibe”. And she knows. And sorry once more but there has to be a warning! This Podcast contains bad language. Actually really quite bad bad language! Sorry. You have been warned. I blame David Cameron.
Just click on the link above to listen to it. Or to download the podcast: On a PC, right-click on the link, then select ‘Save Link As’ and download it to the selected location on your computer. On a Mac, hold down Ctrl and click the link, then select ‘Save Link As’ and download it to the selectedlocation.
Here’s some art by Sophy, aged 11, now, one would hope, in her mid twenties. Well done Sophy. Your art survives.
We’re doing a podcats tonight and we have loads of questions from you all. Thank you. We’ll get through as many as we can, and I will be rude to you all. Maybe. That’s me, Simon. Not Trev. He’s nice. But he could turn. he’s just back from holiday- two weeks in the sun- and now it’s just rain rain rain. Who knows what that will do to him.
Please keep on leaving comments, questions, and if we don’t get round to them this time, maybe next time.
Hello folks. We haven’t forgotten you and we hope you haven’t forgotten us. Yes, it’s been just over a month since our last podcast and we’re well aware we are due another one. We’re getting podcast withdrawal symptoms. I was found wandering the streets the other day, muttering to myself about monkey coconut abuse. Trev’s suffering from tweed withdrawal so badly he’s taken to wearing tweed pyjamas.
We will do another. Honest. Promise. It’s just that Andrea, our lovely producer and instigator and mentor blah blah blah has only gone and got herself a proper job, and launched an album called Photograph, and just in general got on with her life rather than wasting it with a couple of daft-talking chancers.
We plan to kidnap her. We will kidnap her, keep her locked up for months on end until she develops Stockholm Syndrome. The we will all move to Stockholm and do a podcast from there. At least that’s the plan (that I’ve just made up in the last few seconds of typing).
Failing that we’ll wait until we’ve all got a free evening.
download notes: For PC users, right-click the link above, then select ‘Save Link As’ and download to the selected location on your computer. For Mac users, hold down Ctrl and click the link, then select ‘Save Link As’ and download to the selectedlocation on your computer.
So here’s No.4, recorded last Wednesday on Trev’s Birthday. April Fools’ Day. Andrea, our producer (up in Sheffield at the moment for tonight’s launch of her new album, Photograph), has compiled the list for No.4 and I’m excited by it. See, I’ve been away in Great Yarmouth playing pool at the EPA Interleague Finals- full details available soon on my blog- so I’m putting up the pod without having listened to it. And neither of us, at our age, can be expected to remember what we talked about, so for both me and Trev we are now like you- just a person listening to two old blokes talk a load of old rubbish.
Here’s the list. I hope you enjoy the listening part.
April Fool’s jokes
The Gregorian Calendar
Andrea takes an important phone call
An appearance by Simon’s cat Tess
It’s Trevor’s birthday! But who does he share it with?
Trev and Simon get proper work
Sushi
Dry Life and Blimey That’s Good!
Other Trev and Simon characters
Cobblers To The Stars
You say chiropodist, I say chiropodist
Shampoo and hairdryers
Hairy Simon, beard glue and pubic wigs
The Two Chemists sketch
Andrea fails to return
Anita Harris
Trevor’s birthday card from Simon
Andrea returns
The Bloody Benders and other absurd old books
Birthday cake!
Manatees, walruses and Lord Horny Man
The Quex Museum
Andrea is banished
The Manchester Museum/Museum of Manchester
Trev And Simon on Twitter
Andrea’s CD goes on sale in Japan
Trevor’s birthday present from Simon
Nazis in space! Again!
Gay mods and Paul Weller
Trevor’s birthday card and present from Andrea
Ant and Dec
Tiny pigs
Trevor’s rude awakening
Andrea does a Marilyn Monroe impression
Simon’s mouse problems
Listeners’ questions/feedback/insults
Simon is bullied by a podcast fan
Transmission Impossible and Trev And Simon’s ‘retirement’
Circus Of Evil
Cumbria/Cumberland
Spontaneous trips
Birthdays/birth dates
Maisie’s daft questions
Trev and Simon’s free rides
Trevor and Keren from Bananarama
Charlie Sheen
Free boots and Cher
How to end the podcast
Trevor’s birthday books
Could this be the last Trev And Simon podcast?
What does Simon’s middle initial stand for?
Jeepers! That’s 51 things. Sorry it’s so long. Over an hour this time. Andrea has told us off and said from now on it must be an hour maximum. But, as you will become aware, Andrea kept nipping out making phone calls, leaving us to our own devices. So, it’s her fault. She’s to blame. And since blame is only for God and small children, I’ll let you decide which one I am.
Oh, here’s my birthday card to Trev and Andrea’s cake for him.
Download notes: For PC users, right-click the link above, then select ‘Save Link As’ and download to the selected location on your computer. For Mac users, hold down Ctrl and click the link, then select ‘Save Link As’ and download to the selectedlocation on your computer.
That’s the serious stuff out of the way. So, yes, here’s No.3, recorded (for all you time fans) between approximately 2.30pm and 3.30pm on the 19th March 2009. In Andrea’s flat. Which is in Peckham or Dulwich, depending on whether you want to be poncey or not. Peckwich.
Andrea sent it to me to post up here, but without her usual list. She did one but it got lost in cyberspace. And so she asked me to do it because… well, I guess she just can’t even begin to bear to listen to the whole thing again. Podcasts should be like Mission:Impossible missives. They should detonate five seconds after being heard. And that should be that. Until the next one. So, I’m in charge of the list, and it turns out to be a long one. Here’s what you can listen to in Podcast No.3:
Here’s Trev’s artwork for Muck Off, a Blimey that’s Good! product designed to keep pests out of your garden. I guess this was made for our tour. I can’t begin to believe we were allowed to get away with it on Saturday morning TV.
Our agent, Debi Allen, is on the move. Part of this means she’s been sifting through all the Trev and Simon junk she has acquired over the years and if it is in a redundant format, she sends it on to us to do whatever with. You may think that all Trev and Simon products are pretty much redundant anyway, but I’m speaking specifically of things like videos and records; things superceded by DVD’s and hell, not even compact discs (which we don’t do), but MP3’s.
I’ve just received a big parcel of videos of Hard Spell Abbey, a kids spelling game show in which I played Brother Brendan, the runner of the abbey where spelling was hard. Here I am in full-on monk action, dinging a bell.
Anyway, to the point. In amongst all the videos was some artwork from another of Trev’s solo projects. Why it was sent to me and not him, I don’t know. I guess just an administrative error. He’s never told me about this one and as far as I know the album was never commercially released. Trev is a big fan of Paul Weller and the Jam and has devoted a fair amount of his life to emulating his hero (for example, he only ever uses Wella hair products, and guess what he has on his toast? That’s right- marmalade, Bruce Foxton’s favourite preserve.) Maybe Jam Sandwich wasn’t released because he feared Paul Weller might find out. After all, what was he thinking? A Barm in Wardour Street? He’d be so lucky. Maybe a panini or a ciabatta, but last time I looked London’s street of media fools was hardly awash with Greggs .