What am I on about? Who knows? This is the danger of letting me loose on the Trev and Simon blog when I have failed to maintain my own blog, Mummified Fox, so spectacularly. And whilst Trev is on holiday at the Huffington Post.

If there’s one thing I’ve heard four times so far this year it’s; “when are the two of you going to do another podcast?” It’s the most commonly asked question after “Do you still swing your pants?” and “Weren’t you that guy who once did something somewhere? With that other guy? The tall one.” And they’re the most commonly asked questions after “Do you do duvets?”, and that’s the most commonly asked question after “What do you do now?” and that’s the most commonly asked question after “How much for this?” as a too thin or too fat lad waves a bag of boilies in my face.

I now know no one knows what I’m on about, and Trev may take me to task (like a still angry Elvis Costello) for writing a load of old nonsense when all I said I would do was put up this little clip for your pleasure.

Here it is. It’s just us, talking nonsense for a few minutes in the bar at the BFI. We were there for a meeting with Alison Norrington from storycentralDIGITAL. We talked transmedia and then we talked Oobidoo. It’s good to get out of the house.

Wooooooooh! Podcast No.13. And, spookily, only 26 days after Hallowe’en. Dare you listen to it?

If you do listen, you’ll see that we end on a highlight. Only an interview with Norwegish Pop legends a-ha. Enjoy it, and remember, as the weather turns cold, stay on those roads.

You can listen to it/ download it here

Just click on the link above to listen to it. Or to download the podcast: On a PC, right-click on the link, then select ‘Save Link As’ and download it to the selected location on your computer. On a Mac, hold down Ctrl and click the link, then select ‘Save Link As’ and download it to the selected location

And Andrea has made a big and thorough list. Here’s what you’ll find:

Hats
It’s the 13th podcast!
Andrea’s friend in the basement
Writing in your pants
Spammers
The Social Network
Skyline
A-ha
Concept albums
Trev’s crazy dream
3D television
What annoys us about each other?
Pirates
Hay fever
Boring 2010
I’m A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here!
Who is your daddy?
Celebrity bear wrestling
Soups or casserole?
Waxy or crumbly cheese?
An Andrea Mann podcast
Andrea is professionally funny
I Am James Ward
Film updates
Simon’s on the move
Trev’s doing a gig
Is anything off-limits in comedy?
X Factor’s Wagner and the Christmas Number One
‘Jennifer Juniper’
Acsia and Adam Stickels
Rescuing and being rescued
A swing your pants request
Andrea interviews A-ha! (Or is it Trev and Simon?)
A song to end on

Please enjoy listening to it. Thank you.

Oh, and click on the highlighted ones for bonus fun. Sorry if some are a bit rude. Whenever I am searching for images I can’t help but type in “sexy” first. Like “sexy hat”. Try it. Unless you don’t want to, or don’t approve.

I don’t get the rubber biscuit thing. I just remember it from The Blues Brothers. I know it bounces back.

Here’s four minutes of badly edited lowlights.

Well, that’s been a bit of a wait hasn’t it? Sorry. I’d love to say something like “good things come to those who wait” but it’s the same old nonsense. We hope you enjoy it. There is swearing, rudery, singing and impressions and accents. That’s the official warning. As our producer, Andrea, said “This is your filthiest podcast ever.”

You can listen to it/download it here

Just click on the link above to listen to it. Or to download the podcast: On a PC, right-click on the link, then select ‘Save Link As’ and download it to the selected location on your computer. On a Mac, hold down Ctrl and click the link, then select ‘Save Link As’ and download it to the selected location

And here’s what’s on it:

1. Welcome back.
2. Pain ua Chocolat.
3. Austerity.
4. Last Christmas.
5. Podcast girlfriend.
6. Trev’s list.
7. The BFI basement.
8. Tits.
9. “Dooble” entendres.
10. Trev’s garret.
11. Our film.
12. Hollywood little friend.
13. Trev’s BHF bike ride.
14. Cigars and slow worms.
15. Festivals.
16. Wag your Trousers.
17. France.
18. The Valley of the Gwangi.
19. Dude where’s my Deborah Kerr?
20. Freudian Trev and the ladies.
21. Fame Academy.
22. Back to the Future.
23. Simon’s unmentionable library story.
24. The Colombian Embassy.
25. The British College of Opthalmic Opticians.
26. A play- Denholm Elliott and Nazi Simon.
27. The builder.
28. Thank yous.
29. The Michael Nyman Band recreated.
30. Trev does David McAlmont.
31. YouTube clips.
32. Trev interviewed and Paul Weller news.

Trev wears sunglasses indoors to portray the cool film director, William Arsimpampam

Here’s Pocast No.10, or, if you prefer, Podcast No.9 part two. We recorded Podcast No.9 a few weeks back sitting on a balcony at the Royal Festival Hall. When we’d done, we moved inside, had a sandwich, and then did another. We don’t get to meet up too much so’s we thought it a good idea (that’s one of the best sentences I’ve ever written).

You can listen to/download it here- Trev and Simon Podcast No.10

Just click on the link above to listen to it. Or to download the podcast: On a PC, right-click on the link, then select ‘Save Link As’ and download it to the selected location on your computer. On a Mac, hold down Ctrl and click the link, then select ‘Save Link As’ and download it to the selected location

And here’s what’s on it:

1. Dance hall toasters.
2. Duralit V Duraglit.
3. Trev gets saucy.
4. Simon gets married.
5. Sexy rabbits.
6. Squirrels (maybe sexy).
7. Elevator Gods.
8. Filming.
9. Tears of a clown.
10. Yorkshire accents.
11. Trev loves beacons.
12. Trev and Simon sing.
13. Carry your Little Belisha Beacon/*****.
14. Grandad pierrots.
15. The Eggrobats.
16. Dan and the Doves.
17. The Rogers Brothers.
18. The Cox Twins.
19. Hair up/Hair down.
20. trev and DIY.
21. James Ward and Blu-Tack.
22. the “Carrot” Farm.
23. Trev meets a tricologist.
24. Dead Man’s Shoes.
25. York.
26. Tadcaster.
27. Looking for an ending.

We hope you enjoy it. And we hope to do another next Wednesday, most likely our last before Christmas. If you need any festive questions answering, you know you can rely on us.

I’ve been driven mad getting this post up. It’s taken yesterday afternoon and all of today. I’ve lost posts, I’ve uploaded and downloaded. Something in the computer has been reformatting everything. And then I realise. it’s Friday 13th. I suppose I’m luck to be alive. No more fuss and messing about. Here it is:

You can listen to/download it here- Trev and Simon Podcast no. 9

Just click on the link above to listen to it. Or to download the podcast: On a PC, right-click on the link, then select ‘Save Link As’ and download it to the selected location on your computer. On a Mac, hold down Ctrl and click the link, then select ‘Save Link As’ and download it to the selected location

And here’s what’s on it:

1. Recording from the banks of the Thames
2. Sweets
3. **Warning! A technical hitch at 03:38**
4. Remembrance Day
5. Morrissey and The Specials
6. Simon’s casting
7. “Serenity now!”
8. Simon’s mood
9. Future podcasts
10. Listeners’ questions
11. Trev’s attire
12. Bruce Forsyth
13. Are Trev and Simon going back on tour?
14. How Trev and Simon used to write
15. More listeners’ questions
16. Christmas presents
17. Simon sings!
18. Andrea sings!
19. Moustaches
20. Trev’s band
21. Gary Glitter
22. Who wants to marry Simon?

And, after a bit of a test, that seems to work. Sorry for starting off the post grumpy, but when computer’s go bad I have no idea.

And I made a mistake in the noonpod. I say my choir’s concert is on the 14th December. It’s not! It’s the 7th. If any of you can come along, or want to come along, please choose the correct Monday. Sorry about that error. I blame Stumpy. Serenity Now!

Oh, and to those of you who asked questions, thank you. if we haven’t answered yours it may be because we answere it in Podcast 10… recorded about half an hour after this one, this time inside the Royal Festival Hall. We’ll put that one up next week. And if we still haven’t answered your question… sorry. Maybe it was rubbish. Or maybe we’re just rude. Or we lost it. Or we’re rubbish. Or all of these things.

Yes, all of these things.

We met a photographer in the Royal Festival Hall. he came up, said hello, and took a couple of pics. And he’s kindly sent them on. Cheers Richard.

Trev and Simon by Richard Griffin

Trev Neal, Richard Griffin, Simon Hickson

But you lot always help and you always play your part. Please feel free to leave your comments, questions etc. The etc. being the most exciting parts.

Ask anything. the worst that can happen is we just ignore you. And the more we ignore you, the closer etc. Poor old Morrissey. First he’s ill, then he gets bottle chucked at him. Do you know what I’m on about? I’m not sure I do. I type this furiously whilst I should be doing some work. Of sorts. I’ve never done work work.

I must stop. Please leave us your questions and we will do our best to please. And insult.

Bye. I have been Simon not Trev. If this post seems flimsy, cobbled together, random, well it is. And I, Simon M Hickson, take full responsibility.

Here’s Podcast No. 8. This podcast contains only minor bad language. Sorry. It’s shorter than usual, only about 45 minutes, but don’t be fooled. That doesn’t mean it’s funnier or better quality. We were out and about for this one sitting outside Ev near Waterloo. Why? Because it was my birthday and me and Trev and his wife Cath had been romping around the West End, seeing Scarface and drinking alcohol. A few friends turn up during the podcast. And a few strangers.

You can listen to/download it here- Trev and Simon Podcast no. 8

Just click on the link above to listen to it. Or to download the podcast: On a PC, right-click on the link, then select ‘Save Link As’ and download it to the selected location on your computer. On a Mac, hold down Ctrl and click the link, then select ‘Save Link As’ and download it to the selected location

And here’s what’s on it:

1. Happy birthday Simon!
2. Outside broadcast
3. Introducing Kath
4. Scarface
5. Businessmen and their bags
6. Simon opens a card
7. Punk vs jazz
8. Who would Trev and Simon like to work with?
9. The colour of Trev’s pants
10. Andy Crane (and Tommy Steele)
11. Signifcant years
12. Dave Morley
13. Trev swears!! Or does he?
14. Why 47 is better than 50
15. Carlito’s Way
16. The fourth plinth
17. Beggars and buskers
18. The pot monkey sketch
19. Pickling Jeff
20. Which animals do Trev and Simon trust the least?
21. Irish stew and Oobidoo
22. Pia arrives
23. Trev and Simon’s robbing past
24. A recent casting
25. Simon’s house-sitting update
26. Simon’s presents
27. Andrea’s off to Brighton, and America
28. Trev And Simon’s Stupid Book
29. The Broadcast poll

Simon opens his present from Trev, Cath and the kids

Here’s Podcast No. 7.  Andrea, our producer, says it’s “very funny and has a lovely vibe”. And she knows. And sorry once more but there has to be a warning! This Podcast contains bad language. Actually really quite bad bad language! Sorry. You have been warned. I blame David Cameron.

You can listen to/download it, here- Trev And Simon Podcast No. 7

Just click on the link above to listen to it. Or to download the podcast: On a PC, right-click on the link, then select ‘Save Link As’ and download it to the selected location on your computer. On a Mac, hold down Ctrl and click the link, then select ‘Save Link As’ and download it to the selected location.

And what’s in it? Here’s the list-

1. 60s pop star Joe Brown
2. Twitter
3. Swearing!
4. Simon’s special diet
5. Trev’s holiday
6. Hats and swimming pants
7. Star-spotting on Trev’s holiday
8. Silverfish
9. (Queuing for) mints
10. Being poisoned
11. Would Trev or Simon pee on the other? Find out!
12. Simon’s film review: The Taking Of Pelham 123
13. Introducing Pickles the cat
14. Simon’s second film review: Antichrist
15. Unpleasant songs
16. Sam Brown
17. Meeting Syd Little
18. David Cameron
19. Questions from listeners
20. Andrea fumigates Simon
21. The Trev And Simon Festival
22. Jokes from Trev And Simon’s Stupid Book
23. How to play Wilderness
24. More questions from listeners
25. Fights
26. Andrea chokes
27. A game of Wilderness
28. More jokes

There you go. And look! Here’s our book:

And guess what? It is available! On Amazon. And for only 1p! That’s a bargain. Only 4 left. Get it now for one penny, here.

Oh, and I apologise to all those listeners who are traumatised by Trev and Andrea’s singing of the 23rd best selling single of 1982.

Oh, and one more thing. Here’s what Trev drew during the podcast.