Hello folks. We all three (me, Trev and Andrea) hope you all had lovely Christmases and are about to have lovely New Years. Happy New Year, and a big thank you to all who listen and leave comments either here or on Twitter or Facebook or Talkbolox. We truly appreciate it and we have great fun doing the bloody things.

Here’s number 11. It’s not too long you’ll be glad to know. It may be a bit rough and ready (how would we know?). We raced to a pub in Hammersmith (the Queen’s Head, pub boffins), sat at the back, drank, ate, talked. That’s how it goes. Andrea, our producer, apologises; the sound isn’t up to scratch, some microphone malfunction, but let’s not worry about that. Let’s just laugh in the face of the New Year and raise our glasses to one another.

You can listen to it/ download it here

Just click on the link above to listen to it. Or to download the podcast: On a PC, right-click on the link, then select ‘Save Link As’ and download it to the selected location on your computer. On a Mac, hold down Ctrl and click the link, then select ‘Save Link As’ and download it to the selected location

And here’s what’s on it:

1. Welcome to the end-of-year special!
2. Simon’s New Year Resolutions
3. Seafarer’s Ale
4. Trev’s new hat
5. Trev and Simon’s New Year Resolutions
6. Trev and Simon open their Christmas presents (and card)
7. Our albums of the year
8. Trev’s political highlight of the year
9. More questions from listeners
10. Hugh Something
11. How kids were treated on Saturday morning TV
12. A quick break for lunch
13. Simon’s loaded. Again
14. The Year Of The Podcast! And next year’s plans
15. Annoying each other
16. Simon’s new books
17. Past resolutions for the future
18. 2010 film writing/starring
19. (A group of people arrive and are a bit noisy)
20. What comes after the Noughties?
21. Simon’s date in a crate at the Tate
22. Simon sings
23. Ed ‘Stewpot’ Stewart
24. Simon’s off to America
25. Trev’s off to Twitter
26. Final sound effects

And here, to end on, is a picture of Trev’s box.

Trev's noisy box

Here’s Pocast No.10, or, if you prefer, Podcast No.9 part two. We recorded Podcast No.9 a few weeks back sitting on a balcony at the Royal Festival Hall. When we’d done, we moved inside, had a sandwich, and then did another. We don’t get to meet up too much so’s we thought it a good idea (that’s one of the best sentences I’ve ever written).

You can listen to/download it here- Trev and Simon Podcast No.10

Just click on the link above to listen to it. Or to download the podcast: On a PC, right-click on the link, then select ‘Save Link As’ and download it to the selected location on your computer. On a Mac, hold down Ctrl and click the link, then select ‘Save Link As’ and download it to the selected location

And here’s what’s on it:

1. Dance hall toasters.
2. Duralit V Duraglit.
3. Trev gets saucy.
4. Simon gets married.
5. Sexy rabbits.
6. Squirrels (maybe sexy).
7. Elevator Gods.
8. Filming.
9. Tears of a clown.
10. Yorkshire accents.
11. Trev loves beacons.
12. Trev and Simon sing.
13. Carry your Little Belisha Beacon/*****.
14. Grandad pierrots.
15. The Eggrobats.
16. Dan and the Doves.
17. The Rogers Brothers.
18. The Cox Twins.
19. Hair up/Hair down.
20. trev and DIY.
21. James Ward and Blu-Tack.
22. the “Carrot” Farm.
23. Trev meets a tricologist.
24. Dead Man’s Shoes.
25. York.
26. Tadcaster.
27. Looking for an ending.

We hope you enjoy it. And we hope to do another next Wednesday, most likely our last before Christmas. If you need any festive questions answering, you know you can rely on us.

I’ve been driven mad getting this post up. It’s taken yesterday afternoon and all of today. I’ve lost posts, I’ve uploaded and downloaded. Something in the computer has been reformatting everything. And then I realise. it’s Friday 13th. I suppose I’m luck to be alive. No more fuss and messing about. Here it is:

You can listen to/download it here- Trev and Simon Podcast no. 9

Just click on the link above to listen to it. Or to download the podcast: On a PC, right-click on the link, then select ‘Save Link As’ and download it to the selected location on your computer. On a Mac, hold down Ctrl and click the link, then select ‘Save Link As’ and download it to the selected location

And here’s what’s on it:

1. Recording from the banks of the Thames
2. Sweets
3. **Warning! A technical hitch at 03:38**
4. Remembrance Day
5. Morrissey and The Specials
6. Simon’s casting
7. “Serenity now!”
8. Simon’s mood
9. Future podcasts
10. Listeners’ questions
11. Trev’s attire
12. Bruce Forsyth
13. Are Trev and Simon going back on tour?
14. How Trev and Simon used to write
15. More listeners’ questions
16. Christmas presents
17. Simon sings!
18. Andrea sings!
19. Moustaches
20. Trev’s band
21. Gary Glitter
22. Who wants to marry Simon?

And, after a bit of a test, that seems to work. Sorry for starting off the post grumpy, but when computer’s go bad I have no idea.

And I made a mistake in the noonpod. I say my choir’s concert is on the 14th December. It’s not! It’s the 7th. If any of you can come along, or want to come along, please choose the correct Monday. Sorry about that error. I blame Stumpy. Serenity Now!

Oh, and to those of you who asked questions, thank you. if we haven’t answered yours it may be because we answere it in Podcast 10… recorded about half an hour after this one, this time inside the Royal Festival Hall. We’ll put that one up next week. And if we still haven’t answered your question… sorry. Maybe it was rubbish. Or maybe we’re just rude. Or we lost it. Or we’re rubbish. Or all of these things.

Yes, all of these things.

We met a photographer in the Royal Festival Hall. he came up, said hello, and took a couple of pics. And he’s kindly sent them on. Cheers Richard.

Trev and Simon by Richard Griffin

Trev Neal, Richard Griffin, Simon Hickson

But you lot always help and you always play your part. Please feel free to leave your comments, questions etc. The etc. being the most exciting parts.

Ask anything. the worst that can happen is we just ignore you. And the more we ignore you, the closer etc. Poor old Morrissey. First he’s ill, then he gets bottle chucked at him. Do you know what I’m on about? I’m not sure I do. I type this furiously whilst I should be doing some work. Of sorts. I’ve never done work work.

I must stop. Please leave us your questions and we will do our best to please. And insult.

Bye. I have been Simon not Trev. If this post seems flimsy, cobbled together, random, well it is. And I, Simon M Hickson, take full responsibility.

Trev, Lucy, Tony (Terrorvision), Howard, Caroline, Andrew

Lunch at the Carrot farm

With James, playing Bry after plastic surgery to look like Brad Pitt

Me, Ralph Brown (Midge Ultra) and Trev

With Stuart Wolfendon (Socket)

Trev, Caroline O'Hara (Becky), Ged McCormick (location manager)

Leslie and Hilary Bartle

These pics may not make much sense out of context (or in context) but we hope you likethem nevertheless.

Preparing for hot tub scene with Blair, the prop setter and glamour girl.

Hilary Bartle, Tony "Hardly", Leslie Bartle

I asked for a kilt and I got a kilt. Thank you Madelaine.

Kevin and Tom test "Spit the dog"

Matt, Spit and Trev

Pete Hunt, director, whispers in Paul Mason's ear (Tony from Spandau Cafe)

Quite why this was allowed to be on a Saturday morning childrens show is bewildering to me. Obviously we must have sat around and thought, what are the kids into these days? And the answers that came back were hippies, barbers and old-time music hall acts singing vaguely rude songs and weeping openly over the death of their parents. Hey ho! Pop pop!

One of our songs was an old music hall ditty called Carry Your Little Belisha Beacon Everywhere You Go. We’ve sung ths song throughout our career in a variety of guises; the Eggrobats- bald men in nappies, The Rogers Brothers, and a scout leader and his boyscout friend.

The Eggrobats- Simon Hickson, Phil Dennison and Trev Neal. Accompanied by Sophie Aldred, Kath Jones and Doon Mackichan.

Here we are accompanied by The Doves from Dan and the Doves. The Doves being Sophie (later to be Ace in Dr. Who), kath, and Doon, (later to be big comedy cheese in The Day Today, Smack the Pony and the recent Taking the Flak). Poor Doon is obscured by the big glowing end of Trev’s beacon.

If you’d like to know the lyrics to this rude song you can find them here. I’ve tried to find out who it’s by but everytime I do a search I come back to me. I promise you, we did pinch it.

Nothing’s new and nothing’s original. We based the Rogers Brothers on The Cox Twins. However weird our creations were, the real deal were even weirder.

The Cox Twins

You can find out more about Frank and Fred here. But sadly not much. They married twins, Estelle and Pauline Miles, and then they all lived together in one house. The first time I saw them I was astonished. I can’t remember what they did, I just remember thinking they were nuts. In the nicest possible sense. They were funny and weird, but what did they do? They appear briefly in Funny Bones, Peter Chelsom’s film starring Lee Evans and Jerry Lewis and set in Blackpool. Truly, what more could you want from a film. The only clip I could find isn’t a performance, but you might like it anyway. Here they are being interviewed on TVam. With their twin wives.

Even less survives of the Rogers Brothers. They’re on our live video, the Blimey That’s Good Tour, but who has videos? Even I don’t have it. I used to hate watching it. The day before the show was recorded I had some jabs for a forthcoming holiday in The Gambia. I was given the wrong dose for, I think, Typhoid. Five times too much! Throughout the show I look like I am about to die. Hey ho! Pop pop!

But I did find something. One of the most bizarre clips I’ve seen. It’s us as the Rogers Brothers taking part in a Comic Relief special; singing along with a host of celebrities to Queen’s Bohemian Rhapsody. Everything’s here. It ranges from the apalling, Nicholas Witchell miming keyboards; to the moving, Caron Keating gooning around with her mum. You’ll see other faces that might lead to Mr Gloom coming into the room. And I don’t mean Noel Edmonds. And there’s a few degenerates in there too. I’ll let you figure out who they are.

And remember, nothing really matters. Hey ho! Pop pop!

Here’s Podcast No. 8. This podcast contains only minor bad language. Sorry. It’s shorter than usual, only about 45 minutes, but don’t be fooled. That doesn’t mean it’s funnier or better quality. We were out and about for this one sitting outside Ev near Waterloo. Why? Because it was my birthday and me and Trev and his wife Cath had been romping around the West End, seeing Scarface and drinking alcohol. A few friends turn up during the podcast. And a few strangers.

You can listen to/download it here- Trev and Simon Podcast no. 8

Just click on the link above to listen to it. Or to download the podcast: On a PC, right-click on the link, then select ‘Save Link As’ and download it to the selected location on your computer. On a Mac, hold down Ctrl and click the link, then select ‘Save Link As’ and download it to the selected location

And here’s what’s on it:

1. Happy birthday Simon!
2. Outside broadcast
3. Introducing Kath
4. Scarface
5. Businessmen and their bags
6. Simon opens a card
7. Punk vs jazz
8. Who would Trev and Simon like to work with?
9. The colour of Trev’s pants
10. Andy Crane (and Tommy Steele)
11. Signifcant years
12. Dave Morley
13. Trev swears!! Or does he?
14. Why 47 is better than 50
15. Carlito’s Way
16. The fourth plinth
17. Beggars and buskers
18. The pot monkey sketch
19. Pickling Jeff
20. Which animals do Trev and Simon trust the least?
21. Irish stew and Oobidoo
22. Pia arrives
23. Trev and Simon’s robbing past
24. A recent casting
25. Simon’s house-sitting update
26. Simon’s presents
27. Andrea’s off to Brighton, and America
28. Trev And Simon’s Stupid Book
29. The Broadcast poll

Simon opens his present from Trev, Cath and the kids

Here’s Podcast No. 7.  Andrea, our producer, says it’s “very funny and has a lovely vibe”. And she knows. And sorry once more but there has to be a warning! This Podcast contains bad language. Actually really quite bad bad language! Sorry. You have been warned. I blame David Cameron.

You can listen to/download it, here- Trev And Simon Podcast No. 7

Just click on the link above to listen to it. Or to download the podcast: On a PC, right-click on the link, then select ‘Save Link As’ and download it to the selected location on your computer. On a Mac, hold down Ctrl and click the link, then select ‘Save Link As’ and download it to the selected location.

And what’s in it? Here’s the list-

1. 60s pop star Joe Brown
2. Twitter
3. Swearing!
4. Simon’s special diet
5. Trev’s holiday
6. Hats and swimming pants
7. Star-spotting on Trev’s holiday
8. Silverfish
9. (Queuing for) mints
10. Being poisoned
11. Would Trev or Simon pee on the other? Find out!
12. Simon’s film review: The Taking Of Pelham 123
13. Introducing Pickles the cat
14. Simon’s second film review: Antichrist
15. Unpleasant songs
16. Sam Brown
17. Meeting Syd Little
18. David Cameron
19. Questions from listeners
20. Andrea fumigates Simon
21. The Trev And Simon Festival
22. Jokes from Trev And Simon’s Stupid Book
23. How to play Wilderness
24. More questions from listeners
25. Fights
26. Andrea chokes
27. A game of Wilderness
28. More jokes

There you go. And look! Here’s our book:

And guess what? It is available! On Amazon. And for only 1p! That’s a bargain. Only 4 left. Get it now for one penny, here.

Oh, and I apologise to all those listeners who are traumatised by Trev and Andrea’s singing of the 23rd best selling single of 1982.

Oh, and one more thing. Here’s what Trev drew during the podcast.

Pot Fish by Sophy, aged 11

Here’s some art by Sophy, aged 11, now, one would hope, in her mid twenties. Well done Sophy. Your art survives.

We’re doing a podcats tonight and we have loads of questions from you all. Thank you. We’ll get through as many as we can, and I will be rude to you all. Maybe. That’s me, Simon. Not Trev. He’s nice. But he could turn. he’s just back from holiday- two weeks in the sun- and now it’s just rain rain rain. Who knows what that will do to him.

Please keep on leaving comments, questions, and if we don’t get round to them this time, maybe next time.