The Sixth Nonsense

July 2, 2009

It’s a bit short notice, but we’re doing our sixth podcast tomorrow evening. Please feel free to leave any questions, comments etc.

In the meantime here’s an old prop for our Live and Kicking days that I would like to leave up here as our official Michael Jackson tribute.



Fifth podcast will arrive… someday

May 11, 2009
Old things0086 (2)

how we'd look if we had proper jobs

Hello folks. We haven’t forgotten you and we hope you haven’t forgotten us. Yes, it’s been just over a month since our last podcast and we’re well aware we are due another one. We’re getting podcast withdrawal symptoms. I was found wandering the streets the other day, muttering to myself about monkey coconut abuse. Trev’s suffering from tweed withdrawal so badly he’s taken to wearing tweed pyjamas.

We will do another. Honest. Promise. It’s just that Andrea, our lovely producer and instigator and mentor blah blah blah has only gone and got herself a proper job, and launched an album called Photograph, and just in general got on with her life rather than wasting it with a couple of daft-talking chancers.

We plan to kidnap her. We will kidnap her, keep her locked up for months on end until she develops Stockholm Syndrome. The we will all move to Stockholm and do a podcast from there. At least that’s the plan (that I’ve just made up in the last few seconds of typing).

Failing that we’ll wait until we’ve all got a free evening.

Trev and Simon Podcast no.4 is here

April 6, 2009


You can listen to/ download it here

download notes: For PC users, right-click the link above, then select ‘Save Link As’ and download to the selected location on your computer. For Mac users, hold down Ctrl and click the link, then select ‘Save Link As’ and download to the selected location on your computer.

So here’s No.4, recorded last Wednesday on Trev’s Birthday. April Fools’ Day. Andrea, our producer (up in Sheffield at the moment for tonight’s launch of her new album, Photograph), has compiled the list for No.4 and I’m excited by it. See, I’ve been away in Great Yarmouth playing pool at the EPA Interleague Finals- full details available soon on my blog– so I’m putting up the pod without having listened to it. And neither of us, at our age, can be expected to remember what we talked about, so for both me and Trev we are now like you- just a person listening to two old blokes talk a load of old rubbish.

Here’s the list. I hope you enjoy the listening part.

  1. April Fool’s jokes
  2. The Gregorian Calendar
  3. Andrea takes an important phone call
  4. An appearance by Simon’s cat Tess
  5. It’s Trevor’s birthday! But who does he share it with?
  6. Trev and Simon get proper work
  7. Sushi
  8. Dry Life and Blimey That’s Good!
  9. Other Trev and Simon characters
  10. Cobblers To The Stars
  11. You say chiropodist, I say chiropodist
  12. Shampoo and hairdryers
  13. Hairy Simon, beard glue and pubic wigs
  14. The Two Chemists sketch
  15. Andrea fails to return
  16. Anita Harris
  17. Trevor’s birthday card from Simon
  18. Andrea returns
  19. The Bloody Benders and other absurd old books
  20. Birthday cake!
  21. Manatees, walruses and Lord Horny Man
  22. The Quex Museum
  23. Andrea is banished
  24. The Manchester Museum/Museum of Manchester
  25. Trev And Simon on Twitter
  26. Andrea’s CD goes on sale in Japan
  27. Trevor’s birthday present from Simon
  28. Nazis in space! Again!
  29. Gay mods and Paul Weller
  30. Trevor’s birthday card and present from Andrea
  31. Ant and Dec
  32. Tiny pigs
  33. Trevor’s rude awakening
  34. Andrea does a Marilyn Monroe impression
  35. Simon’s mouse problems
  36. Listeners’ questions/feedback/insults
  37. Simon is bullied by a podcast fan
  38. Transmission Impossible and Trev And Simon’s ‘retirement’
  39. Circus Of Evil
  40. Cumbria/Cumberland
  41. Spontaneous trips
  42. Birthdays/birth dates
  43. Maisie’s daft questions
  44. Trev and Simon’s free rides
  45. Trevor and Keren from Bananarama
  46. Charlie Sheen
  47. Free boots and Cher
  48. How to end the podcast
  49. Trevor’s birthday books
  50. Could this be the last Trev And Simon podcast?
  51. What does Simon’s middle initial stand for?

Jeepers! That’s 51 things. Sorry it’s so long. Over an hour this time. Andrea has told us off and said from now on it must be an hour maximum. But, as you will become aware, Andrea kept nipping out making phone calls, leaving us to our own devices. So, it’s her fault. She’s to blame. And since blame is only for God and small children, I’ll let you decide which one I am.

Oh, here’s my birthday card to Trev and Andrea’s cake for him.

suitable for framing

suitable for framing

suitable for eating

suitable for eating

Trev and Simon Podcast No.3 is here

March 22, 2009


You can listen to/ download it here… trev-and-simon-episode-3

Download notes: For PC users, right-click the link above, then select ‘Save Link As’ and download to the selected location on your computer. For Mac users, hold down Ctrl and click the link, then select ‘Save Link As’ and download to the selected location on your computer.

That’s the serious stuff out of the way. So, yes, here’s No.3, recorded (for all you time fans) between approximately 2.30pm and 3.30pm on the 19th March 2009. In Andrea’s flat. Which is in Peckham or Dulwich, depending on whether you want to be poncey or not. Peckwich.

Andrea sent it to me to post up here, but without her usual list. She did one but it got lost in cyberspace. And so she asked me to do it because… well, I guess she just can’t even begin to bear to listen to the whole thing again. Podcasts should be like Mission:Impossible missives. They should detonate five seconds after being heard. And that should be that. Until the next one. So, I’m in charge of the list, and it turns out to be a long one. Here’s what you can listen to in Podcast No.3:

  1. Ideal Podcast length. 4 or 46 minutes.
  2. Andrea calls us boys… as does Barrymore.
  3. Geoff Boyes.
  4. The Hampshire Hoffman.
  5. Trev loves Mike and the Mechanics.
  6. Andrea loves Paul Carrack.
  7. Andrea is Nana in Nana Nia.
  8. The French Green Green Grass of Home.
  9. The Snake.
  10. Trev sings The Snake.
  11. The Snake deconstructed.
  12. Caffeine.
  13. Funny place names.
  14. Andrea loves Phil Collins.
  15. Whigfield- Pop Outsider.
  16. Rasputin record pluggers.
  17. Whigfield does duvets.
  18. Don’t do… versus Do do.
  19. Muck Off.
  20. Phillip Schofield Radio 1 Roadshow.
  21. Nicknames.
  22. Who do we look like?
  23. Looniversity Challenge- Good choice!
  24. Nicknames explained.
  25. Simon faces up to US military might in Area 51.
  26. Simon attempts an American accent.
  27. Arthur Clayton’s four piece cue.
  28. Neil Morrisey and Sean Penn.
  29. Who’s who and how double acts stand.
  30. Andrea’s special friend.
  31. Jimmy’s present.
  32. Girl Scouts in the US.
  33. Trev lists Celebrity meat products.
  34. An offer Simon can refuse.
  35. orgasmic births.
  36. Coconut monkey cake revenge.
  37. Monkey prison.
  38. General animal revenge.
  39. Demons of the Mind.
  40. Robert Hardy’s toe.
  41. Tweed update.
  42. What the old wear.
  43. What Sparks wear.
  44. Brown Willy.
  45. Snippet of The Snake.

Bet you wish Andrea had done the list now.

Muck Off

March 17, 2009

muck-offHere’s Trev’s artwork for Muck Off, a Blimey that’s Good! product designed to keep pests out of your garden. I guess this was made for our tour. I can’t begin to believe we were allowed to get away with it on Saturday morning TV.

Trev’s back catalogue

March 16, 2009

Our agent, Debi Allen, is on the move. Part of this means she’s been sifting through all the Trev and Simon junk she has acquired over the years and if it is in a redundant format, she sends it on to us to do whatever with. You may think that all Trev and Simon products are pretty much redundant anyway, but I’m speaking specifically of things like videos and records; things superceded by DVD’s and hell, not even compact discs (which we don’t do), but MP3’s.

I’ve just received a big parcel of videos of Hard Spell Abbey, a kids spelling game show in which I played Brother Brendan, the runner of the abbey where spelling was hard. Here I am in full-on monk action, dinging a bell.


Anyway, to the point. In amongst all the videos was some artwork from another of Trev’s solo projects. Why it was sent to me and not him, I don’t know. I guess just an administrative error. He’s never told me about this one and as far as I know the album was never commercially released. Trev is a big fan of Paul Weller and the Jam and has devoted a fair amount of his life to emulating his hero (for example, he only ever uses Wella hair products, and guess what he has on his toast? That’s right- marmalade, Bruce Foxton’s favourite preserve.) Maybe Jam Sandwich wasn’t released because he feared Paul Weller might find out. After all, what was he thinking? A Barm in Wardour Street? He’d be so lucky. Maybe a panini or a ciabatta, but last time I looked London’s street of media fools was hardly awash with Greggs .


Not just leather coats

March 12, 2009

Recent readers may worry that the two of us are a little leather obsessed. We don’t wear leather all the time. Sometimes we try and be much more exotic. Happy Christmas!