New podcast tomorrow

May 26, 2009


At last, we are recording a 5th podcast tomorrow. What with us Andrea being so busy, it’s been hard to get this together. And we’ll be doing it from a new location; Producer Andrea’s new flat.

What will we talk about? We don’t know. But so much little has gone on since the last podcast I doubt we’ll I’ll sut up.

If you have any burning issues, see a doctor. Or ask us. Sorry it’s all a bit last minute.  All comments, questions etc. are most welcome and will be treated in complete unconfidentiality. Inconfidentiality? Oncofidentiality.


Fifth podcast will arrive… someday

May 11, 2009
Old things0086 (2)

how we'd look if we had proper jobs

Hello folks. We haven’t forgotten you and we hope you haven’t forgotten us. Yes, it’s been just over a month since our last podcast and we’re well aware we are due another one. We’re getting podcast withdrawal symptoms. I was found wandering the streets the other day, muttering to myself about monkey coconut abuse. Trev’s suffering from tweed withdrawal so badly he’s taken to wearing tweed pyjamas.

We will do another. Honest. Promise. It’s just that Andrea, our lovely producer and instigator and mentor blah blah blah has only gone and got herself a proper job, and launched an album called Photograph, and just in general got on with her life rather than wasting it with a couple of daft-talking chancers.

We plan to kidnap her. We will kidnap her, keep her locked up for months on end until she develops Stockholm Syndrome. The we will all move to Stockholm and do a podcast from there. At least that’s the plan (that I’ve just made up in the last few seconds of typing).

Failing that we’ll wait until we’ve all got a free evening.

Trev and Simon Podcast no.4 is here

April 6, 2009


You can listen to/ download it here

download notes: For PC users, right-click the link above, then select ‘Save Link As’ and download to the selected location on your computer. For Mac users, hold down Ctrl and click the link, then select ‘Save Link As’ and download to the selected location on your computer.

So here’s No.4, recorded last Wednesday on Trev’s Birthday. April Fools’ Day. Andrea, our producer (up in Sheffield at the moment for tonight’s launch of her new album, Photograph), has compiled the list for No.4 and I’m excited by it. See, I’ve been away in Great Yarmouth playing pool at the EPA Interleague Finals- full details available soon on my blog– so I’m putting up the pod without having listened to it. And neither of us, at our age, can be expected to remember what we talked about, so for both me and Trev we are now like you- just a person listening to two old blokes talk a load of old rubbish.

Here’s the list. I hope you enjoy the listening part.

  1. April Fool’s jokes
  2. The Gregorian Calendar
  3. Andrea takes an important phone call
  4. An appearance by Simon’s cat Tess
  5. It’s Trevor’s birthday! But who does he share it with?
  6. Trev and Simon get proper work
  7. Sushi
  8. Dry Life and Blimey That’s Good!
  9. Other Trev and Simon characters
  10. Cobblers To The Stars
  11. You say chiropodist, I say chiropodist
  12. Shampoo and hairdryers
  13. Hairy Simon, beard glue and pubic wigs
  14. The Two Chemists sketch
  15. Andrea fails to return
  16. Anita Harris
  17. Trevor’s birthday card from Simon
  18. Andrea returns
  19. The Bloody Benders and other absurd old books
  20. Birthday cake!
  21. Manatees, walruses and Lord Horny Man
  22. The Quex Museum
  23. Andrea is banished
  24. The Manchester Museum/Museum of Manchester
  25. Trev And Simon on Twitter
  26. Andrea’s CD goes on sale in Japan
  27. Trevor’s birthday present from Simon
  28. Nazis in space! Again!
  29. Gay mods and Paul Weller
  30. Trevor’s birthday card and present from Andrea
  31. Ant and Dec
  32. Tiny pigs
  33. Trevor’s rude awakening
  34. Andrea does a Marilyn Monroe impression
  35. Simon’s mouse problems
  36. Listeners’ questions/feedback/insults
  37. Simon is bullied by a podcast fan
  38. Transmission Impossible and Trev And Simon’s ‘retirement’
  39. Circus Of Evil
  40. Cumbria/Cumberland
  41. Spontaneous trips
  42. Birthdays/birth dates
  43. Maisie’s daft questions
  44. Trev and Simon’s free rides
  45. Trevor and Keren from Bananarama
  46. Charlie Sheen
  47. Free boots and Cher
  48. How to end the podcast
  49. Trevor’s birthday books
  50. Could this be the last Trev And Simon podcast?
  51. What does Simon’s middle initial stand for?

Jeepers! That’s 51 things. Sorry it’s so long. Over an hour this time. Andrea has told us off and said from now on it must be an hour maximum. But, as you will become aware, Andrea kept nipping out making phone calls, leaving us to our own devices. So, it’s her fault. She’s to blame. And since blame is only for God and small children, I’ll let you decide which one I am.

Oh, here’s my birthday card to Trev and Andrea’s cake for him.

suitable for framing

suitable for framing

suitable for eating

suitable for eating

Podcast No.4 to be recorded tomorrow

March 31, 2009

We’re recording Podcast No.4 tomorrow. April the first. April Fools’ Day. And Trev’s birthday. And being a typical April Fool baby, Trev still insists on using the Julian Calendar rather than that lovely Gregorian one we are all used to. Doh!

It’s a bit last minute, but please feel free to leave any requests, questions, feedback, insults, etc.

Here’s a picture of Trev on his last birthday, about 40 years ago.


Trev and Simon Podcast No.3 is here

March 22, 2009


You can listen to/ download it here… trev-and-simon-episode-3

Download notes: For PC users, right-click the link above, then select ‘Save Link As’ and download to the selected location on your computer. For Mac users, hold down Ctrl and click the link, then select ‘Save Link As’ and download to the selected location on your computer.

That’s the serious stuff out of the way. So, yes, here’s No.3, recorded (for all you time fans) between approximately 2.30pm and 3.30pm on the 19th March 2009. In Andrea’s flat. Which is in Peckham or Dulwich, depending on whether you want to be poncey or not. Peckwich.

Andrea sent it to me to post up here, but without her usual list. She did one but it got lost in cyberspace. And so she asked me to do it because… well, I guess she just can’t even begin to bear to listen to the whole thing again. Podcasts should be like Mission:Impossible missives. They should detonate five seconds after being heard. And that should be that. Until the next one. So, I’m in charge of the list, and it turns out to be a long one. Here’s what you can listen to in Podcast No.3:

  1. Ideal Podcast length. 4 or 46 minutes.
  2. Andrea calls us boys… as does Barrymore.
  3. Geoff Boyes.
  4. The Hampshire Hoffman.
  5. Trev loves Mike and the Mechanics.
  6. Andrea loves Paul Carrack.
  7. Andrea is Nana in Nana Nia.
  8. The French Green Green Grass of Home.
  9. The Snake.
  10. Trev sings The Snake.
  11. The Snake deconstructed.
  12. Caffeine.
  13. Funny place names.
  14. Andrea loves Phil Collins.
  15. Whigfield- Pop Outsider.
  16. Rasputin record pluggers.
  17. Whigfield does duvets.
  18. Don’t do… versus Do do.
  19. Muck Off.
  20. Phillip Schofield Radio 1 Roadshow.
  21. Nicknames.
  22. Who do we look like?
  23. Looniversity Challenge- Good choice!
  24. Nicknames explained.
  25. Simon faces up to US military might in Area 51.
  26. Simon attempts an American accent.
  27. Arthur Clayton’s four piece cue.
  28. Neil Morrisey and Sean Penn.
  29. Who’s who and how double acts stand.
  30. Andrea’s special friend.
  31. Jimmy’s present.
  32. Girl Scouts in the US.
  33. Trev lists Celebrity meat products.
  34. An offer Simon can refuse.
  35. orgasmic births.
  36. Coconut monkey cake revenge.
  37. Monkey prison.
  38. General animal revenge.
  39. Demons of the Mind.
  40. Robert Hardy’s toe.
  41. Tweed update.
  42. What the old wear.
  43. What Sparks wear.
  44. Brown Willy.
  45. Snippet of The Snake.

Bet you wish Andrea had done the list now.

Trev and Simon Podcast No.3 to be recorded Thursday

March 17, 2009

We’re doing our podcast No.3 on Thursday. To listen to 1 and 2 just click on the podcast link on the right and you should eventually get to them. Or search them out on iTunes. Regular readers of our blog will have noticed that recently we have been looking backwards; at events both real and possibly not. What does it matter? Real or imagined they all took place in the past. If you want us to talk about anything real or not please let us know. We’ll try to oblige, though we might be quite rude about you. One friend thought I was out of order last time and was a little dismissive of some of the questions sent in. Well, sorry, but not really.

Here’s something that did happen. Years ago we went touring around the World with Phillip Schofield’s Radio 1 Roadshow. Phillip invited us along to mess around, warm up the crowd, and then, during the show, give out fancy facts about the places we visited. We made those up. We drove around the world in Phillip’s open top BMW, hence the windswept hair look and frozen faces. We also made all the team swim naked in the sea at Great Yarmouth at midnight, and someone ran off with our clothes. That is true. The world bit is maybe false. if you look closely at this picture, you can see Phillip’s head. That’s all he had in those days; a head and no body. He used the body of Gordon the Gopher to get around, though that gave him trouble reaching the pedals. And as you can see he had a full head of dark brown hair. These days he dyes it grey. At least he has hair. Mine has long gone, but, not wanting to appear bald, I have developed a habit of putting an old birds nest on my head. If you follow Phillip on Twitter you’ll know he goes by the name of Schofe. We used to call him Schoffers. or Schonesbury.


The Truth About Those Sexy Leather Coats.

March 11, 2009
Simon Wesley Sting Trev

Simon Wesley Sting Trev

What were we thinking? Well I can tell you pretty much exactly because it wasn’t as long ago as it should be. At the time “Rocky” – the “Hong Kong tailor to the stars” -had just made us some suits for one of our live shows. We thought it would be a great idea to get him to make us leather coats. Simon who had recently seen Blade as I remember was thinking “I’ll look like Wesley Snipes!”. I on the other hand was thinking “I’ll look like Sting in Quadrophenia” (or the other fella who runs the scrapyard) but of course everyone else was thinking…Boyzone!